Taking Little Steps

I keep telling myself that little steps are all it takes.

And I believe blogging (about anything) will help me take those little steps.

Losing my father has been horrendous – an experience that has broken my heart and left me empty and numb.

It’s not that I thought he’d live forever. I’m not that silly. And it’s not as if I wasn’t aware he was unwell.

There is so much I could say about what happened, but I won’t.

What I will say is that when my father died, his wife had him cremated – without a funeral, without family and friends, and without a farewell of any kind.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with that?

How do you move on without closure?

I love this (old) photo of my dad.

When you lose a loved one, you never really get over it. You just move on and eventually reach a point where you can function well enough – where you can get out of bed and face the day – where, by putting one foot in front of the other, you manage to get through the day even though the pain of loss is always there in the back of your mind.

But – I have to say – I feel as though my heartbreak and torment exist in a whole other dimension that has fostered additional wounds because my brothers, my sister, and I were denied the opportunity to say goodbye to our father. His sister and brother and countless others who knew him and loved him were also denied the opportunity to say farewell.

We were all denied the opportunity to celebrate the wonderful life he had for almost 91 years and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with that?

–⋅ o ♥ o ⋅–

It has been hard, really hard, so I’m hoping to get back into blogging about anything and that doing so will be the catalyst I need to help me heal.

I’m just going to take little steps.

Author: Clare

Ever-expanding one star at a time, my cosmos is a galaxy of thoughts and creativity where you can find poetry, short stories, photography and so much more.

25 thoughts

  1. Dearest Clare, loosing a loved one is never easy! I have experienced that it’s necessary to talk about it as often as you can, although it’s never easy! Over time it gets better , but is never away!
    Smaal steps at a time and be gentle with yourself! Lots of hugs and prayers! ❤

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    1. Hi Aletta, I am talking about it as much as I can (now). It’s been just short of six weeks, not long really, but I am starting to notice the talking is helping more than I could have imagined. Thank you so much for your lovely thoughts and prayers 🥰

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  3. Oh Clare … baby steps indeed. I knew someone who did not want a funeral and the same thing happened… but it was his choice. But we all gathered and had our own memorial service for us… it was small but it helped with closure. Maybe you need to do that as well. And from the comments above it looks like you will do so. That is so important so that you can celebrate his life.
    Writing does help…
    We are all here for you my friend!
    ((Hugs))

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    1. Oh Miss Nancy. You are such a beautiful person. Thank you so much for your lovely, kind words. I feel these were not – and never would have been – my father’s wishes. It has been horrible but the more I talk about it, the better I’m feeling.

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  4. oh my goodness – that is so so hard. It was so important for me for Robert’s family to be part of the farewell. He might be my soulmate, and I might be missing him the most but he touched so many lives that it was essential for me that others had their chance to say goodbye too. I am so sorry you didn’t have that opportunity. Could you and your siblings perhaps organise a memorial on an anniversary, his birthday or something. Sending you huge hugs and love. Take care as you step forward (and sideways as grief isn’t linear) over the coming weeks, months and years

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    1. Oh Becky, your kind words mean a lot, and it was difficult for me to share (part of) what happened, but doing so – talking about it – is helping me. And YES! We are organising a couple of events/get-togethers. One here, where I am, close to his sister and brother (neither can travel far) and then another in Townsville (a 90 minute flight away) where two of my brothers and my sister are. Even though my father had moved away, my family has lived in Townsville since 1969 and there are hundreds of people who want to celebrate his life. Thank you for all your hugs and love – they are reflected back 100 fold 💜

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      1. Glad you’re finding writing helps too, but totally get how hard it is. You’re doing so so well, and I’m so pleased you’re going to be able to celebrate his life and grieve your huge loss together with your family, his friends and the wider community. It’s so important. I’m always here if you want to chat or just want someone to listen. Your grief is unique to you but I get it. Lots of love xx

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  5. What I remember from funerals are the stories that people tell and how everyone enjoys sharing their memories. When Dad died it helped me to know how others loved him from Carers to distant relatives we hadn’t seen for years.
    Have you thought of having a memorial service of some kind where all the people who loved your father can come and grieve with you?

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    1. Hey Sue. What a lovely thing to share with me. And thank you for doing so. I certainly have thought about organising a memorial service when my cousin returns from overseas. Not everyone will he able to attend, but at least I live near my father’s sister and brother and (almost countless) other relations. I’ll return to Townsville when my brothers and sister make their arrangements.

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  6. Hey Mummy. I’m so glad that you’re getting back into blogging, and I really hope it helps you work through your feelings. I know there’s nothing that can be said to take away the pain and the hurt from what happened to you and your siblings, but I agree it’s all about little steps. Every day, the pain you carry will feel lighter and lighter, until you don’t feel so burdened by it. I think Cee’s advice is great too, because some days it will be harder than others, but you will get there. I love you and am looking forward to our next chat xxx

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  7. Right now it is all about the little steps. Remember it’s okay to grief and feel the loss of your father. Those days you might feel as if you took little steps backward. That is okay too. Getting back in some sort of normal routine will help. It keeps you distracted and gives you a break from the grief. Sending lots of healing energy and love.

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